It’s a very common thing in our world to ask the opinion or experiences of others for every new situation we encounter, as well as for common issues we have. I think it is a very wise thing to draw on the wisdom of community when needed, however I believe there are also many times where only we can know what we need and all outside information and input is dust compared to your own inner knowing.
One thing I have learned in the process of brain rewiring, since it involves changing the your subconscious beliefs and emotional associations to many things, and sometimes, just about everything in your life; you have to work completely in the dark, knowing only that what you are doing is right and very important but having no idea of what’s really happening under the surface or control over how the process plays out exactly. The times I make the most forward progress are precisely when I stop trying to figure anything out, stopping analyzing and asking questions, and just act on my intuition.
In a world of information overload and a “more information and analysis is better” mentality about, just about everything, it seems very counterintuitive (especially in situations where seemingly severe, even life threatening, health, relationship, or financial circumstances are active) to trust in something as intangible as intuition as the main guide to one’s decisions (just to be clear I am speaking about the human intuition inherent to both genders, not “women’s intuition”). However in my experience the intuition seems to be the place where the physical input of our bodies and the embodied wisdom of our souls, and the voice of God Himself somehow converge into one thing. No need for a breakdown of anything. One package deal that requires very little intellectual knowledge, zero ego and analysis, and a Titanic sized boat of faith, trust, and courage.
There’s something beautiful and very empowering about deciding to stop listening not only to the voices and opinions of the world but also to the cover up feelings and excuses in our minds, the things we don’t realize are happening in the background. The voices that innocently suggest that we need more food when, if we listen deeper, the reality is we need more love. To exercise our power more. More sleep. More pleasure from the general experience of life. A fuller expression of sexuality. More discipline born of a selfless self love. More nutritious food. More protein. More fat. More carbs. And the lovely thing about intuition is that, if you listen deeply, you will always hear the correct reason for that particular occasion, and it may well change regularly.
Or perhaps a relationship or life situation where someone is frustrated with you or the situation just isn’t improving. Turn it around and ask “Is this person stressed? Do they have a good reason to be frustrated with me? Am I actually doing everything I need to be doing to improve the situation or am I spending my time looking for solutions to make it easer for myself to be happy when in reality I need to take full responsibility for myself and do the hard things?”
I find for myself many times the answer to the first 2 questions is yes and the second one is no/yes. BIIIGGG bite of humble pie. But after the first sting and sour tang comes the realization that taking care of the actual cause of the problem is the ONLY thing that will resolve it. True peace and the only freedom that exists lie on the other side. The only solution the outer problems in my life is to get myself fully aligned with truth on the inside and the outer problems simple dissolve into nothingness, replaced with peace, ease, and flow, as well a whole lot more maturity for myself. Makes that humble pie look reeeaaalll appetizing 😉.
The catch is, we must learn to rely far more on that still small voice, and condition ourselves to desire be uncomfortable, to make what is outside our comfort zone the most attractive thing, the solution to all our problems. Because it is.
I was taken aback listening to Tony Robbins coach a couple having pretty severe problems and seeing that they had mistaken all these surface level excuses and cover up problems for the real issue. In my own marriage, things aren’t perfect by any means but I have the “comfort” of knowing what the solution is – I need to finish this process of rewiring, I need to grow up. I need to put the the work in to meet my basic need for certainty (which comes from loving myself enough to give myself the certainty that I will be there for me emotionally and physically day in and day out, that I will have the strength and discipline to be reliable for me). Then, my relationship will flourish because it will not be a solution to my lack of self love but an out flowing of love for both my husband and myself, and desire for a mutual enrichment of life and sharing of that love.
But I (and many other people, I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal) don’t need anyone to tell us that. No need to spend money on conferences, counseling, programs, or therapy. Just the grit to get up and keep going every time I realize that I have fallen short of my true potential, to look at my failure and say 2 things: “I forgive you, and I love you, so what I can learn from this so it doesn’t happen anymore?” And then choose the moment to moment love, discipline, and creativity to forge the path to true maturity.
So when you face challenges, gather all the information you can about what might be a good solution. Then just listen. What first step do you need to take? The answer you hear may seem odd, or be uncomfortable (these are actually pretty likely attributes) – just trust it. Take a step into the dark and the light will find you.
When it comes to your life – you know best. Cultivate a deep understanding of the human person in light of God, listen deeply to the still small voice of God in the depths of your being, and you will surely find the straightest and shortest path to true freedom, not only for yourself but many you encounter through your actions and examples.
The Eye of the Needle 