Wanted

I’ve learned something recently. Something I think a lot of women want to know. 

I’ve learned how to harness the authentic power and purpose of sexuality.

Things are never what they seem when it comes to humans. We are this marvelous intertwining of spirit and flesh. The thing is, our brains are designed to keep us alive (as individuals and as a species), and not for much else. They’re not inherently honed in the skill of seeing past the physical plane. We have to apply ourselves if we wish to see beyond the illusion of the physical to what lies beyond. Let me give you a different example that’s a little less loaded first.

I used to have an eating disorder that wasn’t life threatening and passed as “healthy eating”. Almost no one else knew that it controlled me completely day and night. I’ve known others who had eating disorders and were told they just needed to eat better and have more willpower. The thing is, eating disorders aren’t about food – or it wouldn’t be a disorder. When we skip meals and run 6 miles a day to stay a size 4, that’s meeting a very deep need to be seen as acceptable by the world, and for a sense of control over lives . When we drown our sorrows and stress in the comfort of late night binges we are using one of the easiest and most natural ways to trigger a relaxation response in the body, and to give ourselves a sense of having enough. These behaviors are obviously ways to meet needs that have nothing to do with food or health. Humans who are fully engaged in and satisfied by life tend to have a healthy relationship with food and body without much effort.

Back to sex. Our sexuality is tied to two of the most powerful aspects of being human – intimacy (all kinds) and creative power (all kinds). Let’s take this apart just a bit. How much pain do you think exists in the world because of a lack of these two things? Loneliness, emptiness, perceived powerlessness and the poisonous victim mindset that is born of it have left their imprint on countless lives. How much different do you think your life would be if you always felt intimately known, desired, and loved, and knew that you could literally create any experience or reality you wanted for yourself? Open your mind for a moment and let it chew on that.

As I’ve rewired my brain I discovered that the thing that makes us tick (and keep ticking till the battery runs out) is when we feel we have a purpose that is in some way creative. As the image bearers of the Creator we cannot be truly satisfied unless we are creating something of value. If you’re at all familiar with stories of older people who are still going strong late in life you will see that they are either still creating or still connected – or both. 

This is where the physical clearly only scratches the surface of an infinite power. Our physical bodies have the power to procreate children and experience a sense of intimacy and pleasure through the sexual act – but this is simply one expression of these things out of a literally limitless field of possibilities. The sense of playfulness, joy, desire, seductiveness, passion, pleasure, pursuit, ecstasy, and feeling wanted that we associate with sex, are a part of our innate sexuality. Which is a part of our eternal, spiritual, ever present experience of life itself. These are feelings we are meant to have in some way all the time, in everything we do, regardless of whether or not we ever engage in sex itself. This is what it means to say we are sexual beings, not the way I’ve heard it used most often- to explain people who perceive only the physical and pursue sex with as many people as possible in as many ways as possible in the attempt to quench a thirst that exists 24/7. Sound a bit similar to the eating disorder analogy?

Let’s scale this back to the strictly female side for a moment (I can only speak for my own perspective). So many of us females have bought into the belief that our beauty and sexuality are a ticket to exchange for something else we want. Attention. Pleasure. Provision. A sense of power over others – how many heads can I turn? How can I feel wanted, worthy and enough in this world? How can I feel desired and ravished, known and passionately pursued? Thank God, our beauty can do much more than affect men’s biology and subsequent course of action. More than earn us a status among other women and the world at large. We are indeed meant for and deserving of more.

So what if we turn all of that around and make it about pleasing ourselves? To dress beautifully because we’re women and we like feeling pretty? To really allow ourselves to relish in feeling beautiful, in feeling powerful, in feeling playful and seductive, just because it’s who we are? To receive and enjoy it as a gift from God with the open hands of a child? 

I’ve discovered a breathtaking innocence in sexuality; that one can own that power, and use it for good. For love. That it is possible and incredibly fulfilling to be feminine and ravishing in our day to day lives, and let our very enjoyment of our sexuality and creativity to be the purest seduction to every person we meet, an invitation to join in the great feast, the greatest play of all – LIFE.