Ethnicity, Self Acceptance, and a Different Take on Labels

I recently had to get over the fact that I’m a white female. A little odd, I know.

You see, I have spent years madly in love with all the things that make other ethnicities (especially other women) so uniquely beautiful and powerful.

The deepest dark of African skin color, wide faces and noses, round hips, hair that goes up instead of down, and this mystery and majesty that seems to embody Mother Earth; middle eastern and various European looks with such a varieties of skin color, lip shape, hair of more kinds than I knew existed, the most striking and unique kinds of beauty I have ever seen (The Atlas of Beauty, linked below, definitely opened my eyes to this even more than before, though I have always found the ethnic variety of the world utterly fascinating). Because I don’t have any idea how my love affair with cultural diversity would be received, I secretly admire it whenever I encounter it and hold in my bubbling joy when I find myself in parts of town that contain something more than white people.

And beyond the physical, the fact that each look represents a culture, a language, the idea of a real family heritage – rituals, foods, habits, skills, grit and strength passed down through the generations – this captivates my soul. These kind of things make me tremble at their wonder and greatness.

And then there’s me. The average white American female. There are no “strong bonds”, nor strong flavors of substance in this modern day melting pot. A little bit of everything is also a lot of nothing. Given my propensity for intensity this did not sit well. My brain’s take away of average white American women isn’t terribly complimentary – boring, bossy, bony, tired, overworked, nothing very cultured or interesting here.

Oh, to speak Spanish every day! Seems like drinking melted chocolate every time someone speaks. Or French – like walking on clouds through a flower garden. If I lived in Europe I could do both in the same day. Oh, to have the dark hair and exotic skin color of Middle Eastern and Indian women that matched my associations with the belly dance that I so desperately want to perform! How do I reconcile who I am and what I desire on the inside with what presents on the outside?

I had a wonderfully enlightening conversation with a DNRS friend who recommended that I go through each aspect of myself (physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc) and take note of what I bring to the table as a white American woman instead of what I take. And what do I share with the ethnicities I so admire? Whoa. That puts this discussion in a whole notha universe!

I share a body type that I see more often in African women – shorter, smaller chested, round hips and thighs. I share a fluidity of movement and confident femininity with the middle eastern women whose dance I take part in. I have the intuition of a Native American or Mexican woman. The emotional flair and bread baking skills of my Italian ancestors. The Christianity of my European ancestors.

And yet there are more things I bring that are uniquely mine.

I have a vision and perception of spiritual reality that is incredibly deep and cutting, and ability to it put that into words that many people connect to deeply.

I can take in one small experience and find all of life, or one mind blowing and life changing epiphany in it.

An ability to appreciate and reflect the good in everyone and everything. Because of this I tend to be good at helping people feel good about themselves in a very authentic way.

I hear people’s hearts when they speak – I see who people truly are beneath and behind the masks they’ve constructed in ways that can change how they understand themselves if we discuss it.

I can prepare healthy food in ways that makes people addicted to it (woot woot!).

Thanks to my friend I now see that I can gather all these things, as well as every other aspect of myself, and bring them TO the label “white American woman”. AND I can still admire and learn from all of the various women of all the ethnicities, cultures, and languages of the world, respect our differences and dance together in our shared human experience. Sounds like a win-win to me!