Mathematics has had a special place in my heart since I was a child. Falling in line with “things that make me weird”, like never wearing shoes, loving butterfly (I swam competitively for 9 years), and getting irritated with my classmates for interrupting class because I actually wanted to learn, my love of math was never very well received.
Fast forward to the one year I spent in college (despite my love of learning I can’t stand institutionalized education) – my double major was mathematics and theology. I always sensed that there was a very strong connection between the two, despite not being able to find enough evidence of others thinking the same thing to write a paper on it.
Fast forward another 13 years and as I delve deep into the heart of God in an experiential way those connections are becoming crystal clear. I’ve a hunger so deep that I want to drain every last drop of joy, love, meaning, and communion with God, people, and nature out of this short blip I’ll be in a body. Nothing else will do. So, how to solve for x here? What will satisfy this hunger? I don’t get more time, or more of anything than anyone else, so how do I get more life out of life? (Algebra, by the way, is my favorite form of math).
Have you ever thought how if you take any number and divide it in half, over and over again, you could do so eternally and never hit zero? Fascinating, huh? So infinity, then, doesn’t just go up, it goes down, too. *insert mad scientist hands here* If I stay ever so present, attentive, breathlessly focused on how my heart is perceiving the world, in every single moment, I can access the power of infinite tininess. Ha! I can allow what might be a trickle, or perhaps total dryness, to be a raging river of joy, calm, love, silence, gratitude, playfulness…you get the picture. The main idea is to make my mind a conduit for my heart.
Another, sort of related mathematical concept that has swept me off my feet is just, zero. Nothingness. Death. It’s so deeply restful, and makes an infinite amount of room for pure mystery which is all I care about. Vast, empty space, that makes breathing easy, and dancing easier. In order for my heart to have free rein, there must be exactly zero of anything not my heart (a clean heart is a direct line to God, which is where the theology bit fits in).
I also love that visually, the number zero is a portal. Definitely not a door, just a mysterious gateway for things to pass from one world to another. When you are no-thing, anything can happen. Anything at all. Miracles become as normal eating cereal for breakfast and tying your shoes. There can’t be “rules” when you are no-thing – rules apply when things are defined – a road is not a cup, etc. When you are no-thing, you regain the ineffable joy of the child, who sees everything for the first time, so everything appears fascinating, and life full of awe and wonder. Children inherently understand that all humans feel and desire the same things, from the homeless person to the business man and the mail woman.
No-thing is the foundation for understanding everything.
No-thing, is the doorway to God.
The Eye of the Needle 