This year has been one big open door to complete transformation for me (and I’m DEFINITELY the only one who’s had this experience. Ha.)
I’ve found that the only path through is to meet myself where I’m at, greet the emptiness, confusion, failure and the cactus like nature of reality with open arms and curiosity, and decide what I want to create out of all this pain. It’s really just play dough in the end.
Here’s a few lines I wrote in processing my process.
You Are Served
Here she comes again
Long skirt swishing through the tables and chairs
She serves me where sit alone
I was nodding off
I start awake as my plate hits the table
Full of steaming pain
With a side of raw ache
No garnishes here
Or laughing dinner companions
But in spite of the harshness I find
I am growing stronger
From eating this varied diet
Of my shortcomings
The things I can’t change
Bitter exile
Stark reality
Heartbreak
I find it teaches me, far better than any other
To do what I can do
To not back down
To demand what I know I deserve
It transforms this little bonfire
Into a holy pillaging
Of all that keeps me
At this table
Viento
The wind knocks at my door
Her fingers pull and scratch
Her body rocks at my walls
“Open up,
Come lean your face into the unknown
Be thrilled by the threat
By the promise of change
The leaves are messengers
Are you listening?”
The Eye of the Needle 